Are you searching for insight and keys to a divorce from a Narcissist in the greater Louisville region? It might surprise you to learn you are not alone. Recently, the U.S. National Institute of Health reported nearly 10% of divorces in the United States involve a narcissist. These divorces can be quite challenging, and it is essential to have overall strategies in place from the outset of your divorce, as well as specific plans for how to handle crucial conversations and issues that are important to you.
Narcissism is often summarized as the total absence of empathy for others, usually paired with a strong drive to be significant, important, and, in many cases, liked. Psychiatrists and psychologists may not know if the causes of this condition and other challenges, such as bipolar or borderline personality disorder, are situational or if these patterns exist at birth. However, the divorce and family law attorneys at Dodd & Dodd have counseled and represented many clients through their divorce from a narcissist. We can and will help you.
One of the keys to a divorce from a narcissist is to understand these individuals have an overwhelming need to “win” at all costs in every situation. A narcissist views every interaction as either a “win” or a “loss.” The feeling of losing most often makes a narcissist intractable. They often simply cannot understand, let alone participate in a “give and take” style of negotiation. If the narcissist feels they are losing control in a situation, the “victim card” is usually their next play.
After decades of experience in contested divorce cases here in the greater Louisville area, we can tell you this raises a substantial challenge to the central reality of any divorce: the time your divorce takes and the associated cost are directly proportional to the ability of the two parties to resolve areas of disagreement and reach settlement. The narcissist has no inclination or desire to resolve any issue or substantive dispute unless they perceive the result to be a complete, total victory.
Now, take a breath. This isn’t the point where you should or need to feel an overwhelming sense of just giving up or giving in.
You’ve reached this moment for a reason. And this should be good news:
Dodd and Dodd has extensive experience in these cases. There are proven strategies for managing a divorce with a narcissist. We work with our clients to establish strategies for managing and protecting their interests throughout the case. This includes guarding all communications, including texting, voice mails, and emails. If you’re angry, frustrated, or upset, put down your phone or walk away from your computer. Every communication you send to a narcissist is simply fodder for them to give to their attorney to try to use against you. It will be important to focus on this strategy throughout your divorce.
You need a sound, focused strategy for each important aspect of your divorce. This can include child custody and parenting time, the division of retirement accounts and marital property, the protection of your investments, professional practice or business interests, and even the need for or concerns regarding child support and spousal support (maintenance).
Would you be surprised to learn another of the keys to a divorce from a narcissist is to make sure they don’t represent themselves? It may be in your best interests if a narcissistic spouse is represented by a reasonable, knowledgeable attorney as well. This can help when it is time to resolve areas of disagreement and seek an appropriate resolution. A narcissist will often disrupt any effort to resolve an issue and force it to be heard in front of the Judge in your case. This is why the trial experience of your Dodd and Dodd attorney will substantially impact the success of your own goals and objectives in the divorce.
The bottom line: you need to speak with an experienced divorce and family law attorney from Dodd and Dodd to begin planning and to learn the strategies you will need to manage this process, protect your own well-being, and accomplish your parental, financial, and legal objectives.
You wouldn’t take legal advice from a plumber, so don’t listen to the beliefs and statements of a narcissist, even if they are a lawyer themselves. Expect to face consistent disagreement, twisted or outright false narratives, and bullying behavior. A narcissistic spouse will always attempt to convince you (and themselves) that their position is not only right and just but “legal” or “moral.” Don’t worry if your name isn’t on the title to an asset or if they try to convince you an item is their own “separate property.” The law will decide these issues.
It is normal for a narcissistic parent to manipulate and leverage child custody and parenting time. The good news is the Court is focused on the best interests of each child, and any behaviors or arguments put forward by your former spouse can negatively impact the outcome a narcissist will experience.
You may want to consider the support of a licensed professional therapist or counselor for support throughout the process. It is common for spouses of a narcissist to experience PTSD and other issues resulting from their marriage and how they have been treated. A strong support system is another of the important keys to a divorce from a Narcissist.
Finally, remember to focus on managing when and how you interact with the other party. It is in your interests to keep your composure and attempt to communicate in a reasonable, even calm manner – especially when the narcissist isn’t or can’t. The Judge in our Family Courts is always paying close attention to each party’s conduct, words, deeds and actions. The ravings and rantings, manipulative and controlling actions, and behavior of the narcissist are obvious for everyone to see. This includes the Judge in your case.
Are you beginning to think about or planning a divorce from a narcissist? We have extensive experience and a successful track record in these cases and are prepared to help you. We invite you to review the strong recommendations of our former clients and the legal industry and contact Dodd & Dodd or call 502-584-1108 to schedule an appointment with one of our attorneys.
